


Little Lies

by spaceghost



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: He loves Haise but hates himself, M/M, Mental Instability, Messed up perception of love and relationships, Tooru gets off on violence kind of?, Tooru is the product of his environment, some references to human and animal violence, the boy needs therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 09:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceghost/pseuds/spaceghost
Summary: A short drabble in which Tooru is gross and wants Haise in weird way.





	Little Lies

I loved him. His stride, his smile, his everything. 

I loved him when he spoke sweet words to me or when he barked orders or whenever he gave some semblance that he knew I existed. 

I loved him.

I even loved him when he entered my room without knocking and saw me.

He saw me.

I inhaled sharply. Then held my breath. He knew. But he always knew, didnt he? He saw what I was and couldn’t help but stare. Dark scars wound up and down every part of my body. They zigzagged up and down my back, peeking out between my thighs, and stretched out over my belly.

He saw me. And he understood. Not just my body, but the blazing fire in my brain. He saw the way it overwhelmed me and caused my delight at the sight of a bleeding wound.

He didnt see, but he might have understood if he had seen the tiny bones I crushed and the pleasure in my eyes as I dug my knife into a whimpering face. He might have seen the wretched smile on my face as the gooey liquid spilled. He might have known who I really am.

How do I know this?

I’ve seen him, the darkness that may come across his face, like that time when he battled another ghoul and let his ghoul side consume him. I’ve seen him, the desire in his eyes to _hurt_ and to give pain. I know he hides that darkness. And because of that, I know he knows me. 

I’m sure he knows the delight I found kneeling in a pool of red. It was somewhere, crouched in the woods, clutching chunks of flesh and feeling the red coagulate on my face, that I realized what love is. Like wanting to slowly flay the skin off another and being willing to do it at any moment. It’s about creating that violent level of intimacy where you hold someone’s life in your hands.

He knew this and yet, as he averted his eyes, I couldn’t help but feel his leaden gaze pressing down on my back. I felt his eyes crawl down my back and watch my fleshy thighs, the ones that were too thick for a man. His gaze, felt raw, real, and accepting. Not the disgusting shallow gazes I received from men in my life. The ones I trusted and the ones who were complete strangers. Not the same gazes that caused me to bind, to hold myself a little too far away and tell myself the ~~lies~~  truth.

The moment was suspended in air like a dark cloud hovering over both of us.

“Tooru?”

I held my breath. Slowly I turned around, and shot a molten gaze straight through him. He continued to avert his eyes, and I felt something open up in me.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

He looked up, confused, and I quickly shot back.

“Don’t be sorry because I know you are a liar and only want to protect yourself. Like me.”

No words.

As he shrunk closer into the door, I stepped forward. Step after step, and soon I was inches away from his face. He finally met my gaze, and I grew cold. 

“Haise.”

I lifted up a hand and caressed his face. I brought his hand up to my shoulder and led his arm down, closer and closer to my chest. 

“I know you want to hurt and be hurt and that’s okay.”

His face stiffened. I cupped his hand around my breast.

“It’s okay. If you want to lie a little bit more, come visit me any time.”


End file.
